True to yourself or who you want to be?

I have to say, while I get the spirit of the whole "be true to yourself" statement, it's not really for me.

If I was true to myself, I'd be one heck of a negative nancy and I'd sit around an mope.

A LOT.

yep, that'd be me.

If I was true to myself, I wouldn't have much motivation at all...

It was probably sometime during my freshman year of collage, that I realized I didn't like myself all that much. I felt that I was really annoying because I was constantly a big bummer.

At least that's kind of how I remember it. I've never had the guts to actually ask someone who knew me during all of this.

My point here is that I tried really hard to be a more positive person. Before I said something I would think, "is this the most positive way I can say this?" and eventually I practiced this enough, that being positive, became second nature to me.

I am pretty happy with the changes that I've been able to make and really when "stuff" happens now, I just naturally look for the silver lining. It is not a fake positive, it's just how I like to approach stuff now, it make me happier to be this way. (It's all about me, don't ya know!)

Like yesterday, when I made a teeny tiny mistake like forgetting my bike for my bike ride (yes, I'm serious) I figured there was something good I could make of it... and there was, I ended up having a great run and I had time to stretch, really stretch after the run, which made my hip feel better (it's been bugging me, but that is a story for another time).

But every once in awhile that old Jill sneaks back in... that happened yesterday with my "enough" post. I was really upset with myself for writing that post. I even thought about deleting the post, because it's not "me".

At least not the "me" I'm trying to be.

But it's going to stay up there, because I need to remember, that sometimes that scared, bummery (yes i know, not a word), little girl is still in me and she needs to remember that being scared is just no fun and rising to the challenge, well, now that's the fun stuff.

I can't thank you guys enough for your positive, supportive comments.

But next time I post something like that, someone find me and give me a big whack up along side the head :D

So I am going to choose to be true to who I want to be instead of who I used to be.

and now in closing, I will reminded myself to

BELIEVE and dare to DREAM!