What happens when you miss the moon?

Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.
W. Clement Stone

I'd heard this quote before or other variations, aim for the stars, you might hit the moon or something like that. In fact, I wanted to make sure I was getting the quote correct, so I went to the tome of truth, GOOGLE... and I found some funny stuff... My personal favorite being a comment on the quote above

When you miss you will end up in the vacuum of space where there is no air to breath and the half of you facing the sun will fry while the other half freezes solid. Source(s): Ask a science/physics/astronomy major.

And as much as I like to be a sunny, positive person, there are occasions where the above comment strikes me as completely appropriate. This post is not so much "how I'm feeling about missing out on Kona this year"; but more what I learned on a journey that had me reaching for stars, had me positive I could make it there and then fall into the vacuum of space where for a bit, it felt like I had no air to breathe...

I had heard about the five (or seven - depending on which article you read) stages of grief, and while I am not purporting that failing to reach a goal is the same as loosing a loved one, when you dedicate so much of your life to something (the healthiness of THAT is left to another debate haha), and it doesn't turned out as hoped, you experience a loss.  

The five stages of grief
Another tome of truth, WIKIPEDIA, was consulted for the following:

The Kübler-Ross model, commonly known as The Five Stages of Grief, was first introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying.
[1] The stages, popularly known by the acronym DABDA, include:[2]
Denial — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me." - Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual
Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?" - Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy.
Bargaining — "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..." - The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just do something to buy more time..."
Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die soon so what's the point... What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?" - During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.
Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it." - In this last stage, individuals begin to come to terms with their mortality, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event.

These "stages" are interesting to me, because I would think a "stage" would be something you move through and leave behind... that doesn't seem to be the case as I feel like I've gone through several of them, several times and I think I'll keep doing it for awhile.  

Denial 
I'm pretty much done with this one... I went through it right around mile 10 of the run. For anyone looking for a sporting accomplishment you really can't be hanging around here too long... it's pretty in your face. Guess what, Kona doesn't roll down to 11th place.  

Anger
now this one comes up more likely than I would like to admit... especially because the only person to blame is myself. "I should have had a better nutrition plan" "why did I stop taking in calories at mile 90?" "I should have thought to start eating on the run or at least take some Liquid Shot" As my mom used to tell me "we 'should' all over ourselves"  

Bargaining
I'm not certain about this one... I do tend to bargain more like "next time". Next time; I'll eat better, I'll train harder, I'll train smarter...

Depression
I tried to stop this one from happening, or at least rush my way through it... I signed up for a sprint race two weeks after Louisville, I went to Chicago and GSSI determined to solve my GI issues, I decided to race the HalfRev in Anderson to prove I could be faster... but it happened anyhow. If this were written on paper you would see tear stains. I have my moments where I think "what the hell was I thinking, I can't do that!" "all that effort wasted, all that time away from my family" This where all the GUILT comes in to play. I feel so GUILTY about, not only, taking all that time to myself to train, but also the times I was present but not "here" because I was exhausted. To think, "it's okay, because I'm being a positive role model for my kids about taking a chance, trying to achieve a goal, etc." but then you don't reach the goal. So now I'm trying to show them how to take that and turn it into a positive and lean from it... that doesn't mean I'm not still pissed and upset (oh look, here we go through those "stages" again) ha ha  

Acceptance and Hope
So we come to Acceptance and Hope and you'd think once you got here, you'd be done.... well, that would be wrong, at least in my case.
About two days after Louisville I was already here. Well and truly! I was proud of what I'd accomplished on the day and hopeful that I would be out there again giving it a shot. I believed in my abilities almost more than I ever had. This was pretty cool.

I'd reached for the "moon" and had fallen among the stars... I wasn't in a vacuum of space, but floating and light and able to accomplish anything I set my mind to.

But life isn't a neat little set of stages that you can put into a book... life is sometimes a freezing vacuum of space, and sometimes is bright and sunny and floating and filled with immeasurable potential.

You hear people say "I don't regret taking the chance"... you hear it so often, it starts to loose it's meaning... or maybe I never really understood it until now...

I really laid my heart out there this year... I recently re-read my posts from the beginning of this journey
"Believe"
"Dreaming"
"Step 1: Get a Theme Song"
and the comments on them are so awesome! And reading them made me ask myself... am I sorry that I put all of this out there? Do I wish I had kept it to myself so that I didn't have to feel embarrassed (for lack of a better word) when I didn't reach my goal.

And the truth is simply "NO"

Perhaps there are people out there who thought "my, she's a little full of herself" or something along those lines.

and I really don't care.

I DO NOT REGRET TRYING TO MAKE IT TO KONA
I certainly don't regret having everyone who reads this blog and leaves awesome and lovely comments in on the journey. :D

I have no idea how I'd be feeling as a person sitting here a week and a couple of days since starting the race in Kona. I don't have a picture of that person.

However, I do know one way that she'd be much different than the person sitting here writing about NOT getting there.

The person sitting here right now knows that it is OK to reach for a goal and not make it. and sure, we do this a little bit each day... but those really big goals, the ones that you have make changes for, the ones your FAMILY has to make changes for, the inconvenient and tricky goals. even those, it's going to be okay if you fail.

You have to take that experience (and all the mess that went with it) and learn something new about yourself. You take your opportunity to PAUSE and think about what it would have meant to you to achieve it and do you want to keep fighting for it.

Your life continues on and it is still at turns amazing, crappy, mundane and glorious.

Goals keep us focused. They keep us motivated. They keep us moving FORWARD.

They help us DREAM and BELIEVE

and I don't ever want to give up on that.

Do you have something you want to achieve?!? Don't bottle it up, put it out there!
Comment about it, Blog it, tweet it, Facebook it, or just tell your best friend. Make yourself accountable and GO FOR IT!!! You might achieve it!!!

and there is always a chance you might fail. WHO CARES?!?! You will gain something from the experience either way.

So, tell me, what do you want to achieve??